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I knew that Karen would remember me saying I am not ablond. Now wearing the wig does not matter. I will not wear it thatoften for I like being natural. Just like dressing as a man does notmake me Ben, wearing a wig does not make me a blonde.I told her about the progress with the transition and she asked how Ifelt about the time table and if I would just go full time right now. Iwould like to go full time now, but it will not be right. I know I willneed an adjustment period and also need to ease people into it.The worse thing I could do now is rush into being Bella full time. Goingfrom being perceived as a man to a woman is growth for me. Just like anygrowth, it does not just happen. A person does not go from being a childto an adult overnight, and in a way this is the same. I say this is thesame for I am not changing who I am, just like when a person entersadulthood it does not change who they are.After Karen, I was on my way to see Gail and saw Eric's car at the gasstation by her. I was unsure of my genderidentity and sexuality. What they did to me in that room sealed myfate."She told him.She didn't hold back. Felicity gave Steve every gruesome detail. Thepain, the sorrow, the lust, the self-loathing, the self-hating and hervow that she would seek revenge if she ever got the chance.Steve never said a word. He sat silently and listened."When they had finished with me Ben Roach led me to the door."Felicity had sobbed during her tale but she was all cried out, hervoice hoarse."I asked him why?" she whispered."'Because we can', was the answer he gave me." She folded her hands inher lap and lowered her head.Steve couldn't talk. He'd had to hold back tears when she told himabout the boys holding her down while each of them defiled her. Itmade no difference to him that she had taken pleasure from some of thethings they did to her; in fact that only made it worse.He finished his drink and cleared his throat."That sounds a lot like motive to me," he said.
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